Don't stretch that metaphor

The 9th September saw my 4th annual LCET service. It's so amazing how we've grown in that time from about 12 when I first started, to 26 this year, including our lovely volunteers and two interns.

Our challenge as a team is to go into the deep end ... deeper with the young people, deeper in the scope and reach of our work and deeper in our spiritual lives both as team and as individuals.

To start that off the chaplaincy team had our first termly half day of prayer and God really challenged us to accept that we are loved and to live in the strength of that this year.

We were using the metaphor of the deep end as we prayed which was helpful to a point until I heard myself saying "and what are the blown up pyjama trousers of your faith?" - take me now!! In mitigation (not that I suspect there is any after that question but...) we had been remembering swimming survival lessons - the mystifying diving to get a brick ('really it's only a brick, I'd let it drown') and the jumping in with your nightwear on (see the headline 'sleepwalking ends in tragedy') - taking your bottoms off, tying a knot in each leg, inflating them and enjoying your blue-peter style bouyancy aid (which as with all bp projects didn't actually work).

It was a firm lesson that imagery should be carefully controlled!

Whipsnade!

Had a great day at the zoo with Quinladen and Mr Flower yesterday - leaving aside the whole ethical debate about zoo's and the chimps bad skin condition - it was great to see so many animals and we managed to time all our stops to fantastic displays whether the hippo wallowing, the lemur love-in or the elephant walk. Enjoy!

Virus Warning

I don't usually post these but this one's serious ...

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally,
and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer
(WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take
two good friends to the nearest restaurant. Purchase the antidote known
as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly, until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5
friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your
life.

With thanks to Wickedx

Wise words...

love is to reaveal the beauty of another person to themselves.

(Badly) quoting Jean Varnier, founder of L'Arche community

Duke (Extra) Special

Unexpected highlight of Greenbelt this year were (or was) Duke Special. I'd heard the song "Last night I nearly died" on Radio 2 but never caught who it was, just loved the conceit.

Then we caught Peter Wilson at the Rising (song writers panel)with Martyn Joseph and he was soulful and introspective, then live on mainstage complete with costume and ragtime band it was full speed and larger than life.

The sound is like nothing else, lyrics are deep and real, bone-marrow exposively (if that's a word)so.


There's a touch of the Pierot about Wilson,as his act projects a dark vulnerability. The songs are vaudeville, Kurt Weil and then Keane-esq anthems too. It's like a waking dream at once surreal and plausible. It's also a very shrewed attempt to do what you want to do (artistically)... and still live (commercially), you can hear the singles but the tracks hang together perfectly as an album and manage to sound diverse not duplicitous.

As soon as I figure out how to put tracks into this blog I will, until then I urge everyone to buy the cd or better still go and see them/him live.

If your life is missing something poignant and beautiful this is the place to find it.

So many blogs so little time...

I don't know if I'm alone in this but I have a running list of blogs in my head and often life is too hectic to get them down and then there is a quandry. Do I go back to the beginning or do I store blogs and start with the most recent life happening? Decisions, decisions, but don't worry I'm not losing sleep over this!

So some blogs that never got fully formed this months are...

Nature is cruel - Mum and I went for a lovely walking the Worcestershire countryside and spent a while watching three hares. They are utterly amazing creature and so rarely seen. Then a man came along with a gun and started shooting at them! Which in itself was a wierd metaphor for village life at that time. There you are enjoying all the happenings and experiences of rural village life and then someone comes along with something explosive! We live through these experiences no matter how painful and somehow hope they change our understanding/compassion for the better.

Heaven in ordinary - Greenbelt 07 was awesome and I only went for a day, it's so creative and vibrant and just inspiring, heaven on earth and THAT'S far from ordinary!

Soul Survivor - so good, so different from Greenbelt but fab to be in worship with 10,000 people.

Mark Yaconelli - he may have knocked Delia Smith off the left hand of God spot. Much more on his wisdom at a later date. (Oh and he served me communion!!!!).

And it's a new term at LCET, and I'm in charge!!! whoooooaaa haaa haaa!!!!

So if you're lucky you're saved from reading the waffling versions of those forrays into the dark space that is my mind....ooo and little-flower might have made it into print!! Where? (Mumbles) Er,(mumbles) the west midlands moth spotters monthly mag - see the truth is stranger than fiction!

Enough already!

I know I've posted too much for one day...I've had a bit of a break and now it's all going crazy. But I saw this on the brilliant Youthblog and had to share it ...

National Express

That's me that is! Not that i look like the back end of a bus although with the amount I've been munching this holiday I'm aware it's a slippery slope!!

More that I've been driving here there and everywhere over the last couple of weeks (sorry planet).

We had a great weekend youth hosteling in Shropshire, where we walked some of Offa's Dyke. It was spectacular and both the scenery and the wild flowers were glorious.

Then it was off for a return trip to the Essex coast this time with Auntie and Uncle Flower. On Mersea Island we meet up with Mike who runs West Mersea Oysters and had a fascinating tour of the 'processing plant' and a great lunch hearing him eulogise about these strange little creatures. A real food hero, his passion and dedication is inspiring. We also got to do some bird watching on East Mersea, despite being buffeted by wind and rain. We saw grey plovers, avocets, oyster catchers, turnstones, egrets and more. It's an amazing habitat full of waders and sea birds.

We stayed at the wonderful Mistley Thorn just up the estuary from Manningtree. And whilst repeating a stay at a much loved hotel is always daunting it was as good as longed for. Beth Chatto's garden saw us wandering in delight before heading home.

Then it was off to Shepton Mallet and Soul Survivor for me. Worship with 10,000 teenagers was incredible and as it has been about a decade since I attended anything on that scale it was a real treat, not to mention a blessing. It was amazing to see heaven breaking out all over.

Home now before a quick hop to Worcestershire and the parents, yes little flower is definitely a rambler and not just in word!

Ode to the Chocolate Digestive

O medium sized biscuit
there's none like you.
You are crispy and you are crumbly
when you're brand new.
With a chocolate rippled topping
- either milk or dark.
When craving a biscuit
you really light that spark.
Some may say that you are dull and plain
but I say "you're gorgeous" and "they're insane".
O medium sized biscuit
can it be true?
For dipping in our tea
there's none like you!

The village shop had none of these classics when I popped round today and once I got over my despair, I decided to channel my trauma into something more positive, as above...and then eat a Waitrose Cappucino Cup Cake!

...and of the big things

When I was thinking about my post 'God of the little things', the hymn All Things Bright and Beautiful came to me (it was a week or so before actually getting to blog it!). It was especially the lines "He gave us eyes to see and lips that we might tell". And I guess that's why I felt compelled to write about the little treasures and it made me think I should post randomly whenever I witness such gifts - I may do that.

What was even funnier was that the afternoon of this thought, we went to our friends wedding and ended up singing the very hymn! Despite all that I forgot to include it in the original post, time lapse and all.

Then when thinking about making this addition, whilst drinking tea in bed this morning, it led onto thinking about the song Beautiful One, which we were singing at Soul Survivor last week.

You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
‘Cause nothing on earth is as beautiful as you

Beautiful one I love
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing

These little findings really do make our souls sing...

God of the little things

I've had a desire to seek out the signs of God in the normal, non-religious, everyday things of life for a while now since hearing someone talk about 'ordinary grace'and realising that if we aren't attending and noticing we are denying ourselves those brushes with heaven that warm the heart. And the things that remind us that God is indeed Immanuel, with us, beyond that spell of human form and in a way that connects with our longings to see, and to be seen and understood.

I have started reading Soul Grafitti; making a life in the way of Jesus by Mark Scandrette. He touches on this idea...

"Most people will never see the artwork that hangs on gallery walls unless the galleries are sidewalks, fences,and telephone poles. An artist I met named Dave hangs hundreds of brightly coloured paintings throughout the city, bringing smiles to the faces of people as they walk to the store or subway. Stenciled on the sidewalk at my feet I see proclamations left by neighbours: "Your existence gives me hope", "sluts against rape","stop oil wars": or from a now deceased friend, simply the word "Grace" written in flowing cursive letters. One artist even fills in the gaps in the concrete with rows of glass jewels. In our heavily pedestrian neighbourhood, we have learned to look for messages scrawled in chalk or stuck in the cracks of the sidewalks and to find beauty in small or hidden places...I like to think that the message and method of Jesus was a lot like graffiti - immediate, street level, and personal. Jesus spoke as one who knew the struggles and joy of the people in his region. He spoke in words that connect with their longings...

Hence my photo...stopping to refill my water bottle from a stand-pipe at Soul Survivor I noticed the tap was ringed with rainbow coloured bands, pretty in it's own right but redolent with the mischief and joy of a major water bomb attack! Wish it had come out clearer but not bad for my phone.

Houseguest

This one thinks nothing of pooing in the garden and jumping on the beds! But she's very cute and so you can let her off - almost!

We're spending our holiday looking after Shula for a afriend, she's been with us less than 24 hours and already we're dreading giving her back. Even after she tried to redesign my prairie-style planting!!!

What's that they say about man's best friend?!

Defy the Stars

One of Mrs Admins amazing photo's of camp and I'm just itching to see the rest!

Indeed we had the best time on camp this year, awesome games, inspirational sessions, great food and brilliant community life, all incredible and even more so that for the first time I'm not completely wiped out after the event.

It's hard to pick out highlights but if pushed the laser quest in the woods was awesome, afternoon art was so chilled and really nice, getting to be there whilst several of the guys wrestled with who they are and where their going in their identities and beliefs was a real honour too.

God did loads of talking to us about being loved 'just as we are' (to paraphrase Mark Darcy!)and hearing this group of 30 plus non church kids singing their hearts out in worship each night just reduced me to tears on a routine basis. Ephesians 4:6 I guess.

One of my best moments was when I interviewed one of the girls I've known for 3 years about how she's changed and who she's becoming. We first met as she was coming out of a cupboard in the mentors hut having gotten changed in there ready for PE! She didn't use the changing rooms because the girls put a shaving foam moustache on her and threw her shoes in the shower. She earned herself the nick-name 'Psycho' because she would literally go crazy and get violent when the kids wound her up, then other times she wouldn't say boo to a goose. Three years and three LCET camps later, plus group-works and an excellent mentor, she came up in front of us all and shared her story...laughing at our unique meeting and feeling confident and accepting about the person she was.

The previous night we had cried together about how it was sometimes really hard to let the past go and to let ourselves move on to a better place and it was such a privilage to be able to describe to her the beautiful young lady that I'd witnessed blossom before me and to be there when she started to recognise that in herslef....well, I do this job for moments like that and count myself really blessed because of it.

Then getting to tell her atounded Mum what she'd done ...icing on the cake, nearly cried all over again!!

Been away...

but before a proper update, just how scary is that photo of Mr Flower in the garden?! Not because it bears a resemblance to David Tennant - so people have told us - but because one squiz at the contents of the table (weekend paper, cafetier, cups and saucers and chocolates - ambassador)and it is 100% clear the transformation into our parents is almost complete!!

Obviously it would be a great destination to end up like them but just not yet eh!?

Feel the need to go get a tattoo or something to prove I'm still young! ;-)

Summertime

And the livin' is easy...da, dooo, da-da...

Yes there has been a rare moment of summer in this corner of the British Isles today, and behold yesterday for that matter too. Mr Flower and I have so far spent any warm weather we've had bemoaning the fact that we should have bought a garden table that we fell in love with last year and couldn't find anything like it this year.

Until now because having searched far and wide from the comfort of our own living room and yielded nothing on the net we decided to press our luck and try instore! And would you believe it but the longed for garden set was there large as life, belying any internet absence AND with 30% off!!

Deep joy we snaffled it up at once and two trips to the land of the concrete cows and back and it was the piece d'resistance dans la jardin (apologies if I got my genders confused there Quinladen!).

We had an inaugural bbq feast of turkey korma kebabs, potato and chive salad, beetroot and leaves with garlic doughballs. V.tasty and now at 20:41 I am sat at my new table wirelessly recording my joy.

Life is amazing (and these are only a few minor reasons that is so!).

Busy Lizzie

Busy Lizzie
Originally uploaded by Pete Biggs

I can't believe I haven't had time to blog since 20 June...crazy business!
Just when we've been flat out in fifth gear it seems life has uncovered a sixth gear and up we go a notch again!

Summer camp is really top of the agenda at the moment and has snuck up on us it's fair to say. We decided we wanted a more laid back approach to it this year and unfortunately that seems to have slipped to horizontal and we're now all jumping to attention and trying to figure how the dickens we get done all that we need to in the next two weeks. There's also the dawning realisation that having less leaders this year means lots more work for those of us who are there.

Plus we've gone for the slightly mad experiment of true community living with no 'grown ups only' lounge in which to hide and let off a few "I've had enough of young people" expletives. No we are going to try and manage our exhaustion and bad moods as teaching points...praying for masses of grace right now!!

Other stuff that's been going on...We've been away on retreat where the Bishop of Bedford came to impart his wisdom and where we had some great community time out. I went off up to London for some Moving into Management training that was really good. Am off up to London again with some year 9 students on Monday for a trip to the Sherlock Holmes museum. It's school prom on 17th which is exciting - my first ever! And just generally trying to tie things up in school ahead of the summer and in one case ending my time there, which is really sad.

Supermarket sweep!

So you know I'm a big fan of the Mighty 'W'and here indeed is justification! The latest Ethical Company Organisation research results into supermarkets are out...

"Our researchers examined the real ethicality of each of the supermarkets in detail across 12 ethical criteria - including animal welfare, human rights and environmental impact. There was MASSIVE variation in standards, with our Ethical Company Index scores ranging from 85 to just 38.

The highest overall ethical scores go to Sainsburys, Marks and Spencer and Waitrose. The lowest ethical scores went to Tesco, Asda and Iceland.

Sainsburys are also very highly commended for being the only supermarket to have so far signed up for full Ethical Accreditation -thereby guaranteeing an extra level of 3rd party audit (above and beyond the world of company-scribed CSR reports and smooth advertising copy!)"


Yes I know Waitrose and it's fellows are expensive and we are in the privileged position of only needing to feed ourselves and not a family but we choose to shop cheap. That means only buying meat once a week, if that, and get into being exceptionally thrifty with our good ingredients and bulking stuff out with beans and pulses. It's something my Mum did when we were kids and our Grandparents were great at but I think it's skills we've more or less lost.

End of soap box session and hoorah for the ethical leaders...that said Gingerkid pointed out all the supermarkets are more ethical probably than they were three years ago generally ...maybe they are so I guess we could be moving in the right direct!?

New Toy

Tee hee, we're getting a new toy!

We should pick it up on Saturday if all goes well and I'm praying our current Skoda hangs in there. The rattles are getting louder as the days go by and I'm just waiting for the exhaust to fall off, and the dashboard is like Blackpool illuminations with all the warning lights that are on!!

Looking forward to some 'driving on the edge' of a less concerning kind over the weekend.

Friday night's not right...

...without Ugly Betty!

It's only thursday and already I'm mourning the loss of my fav tv show of late. It's made up one of only three programmes that Mr Flower and I watch, the other two being Grand Designs and Top Gear and now we are bereft of all three.

We have been tempted to Springwatch but although the characterisation is occasionally amusing, the script is not nearly so side splitting as the laugh-one-minute-cry-the next-sitcom. (And the tragedy rating is higher!).

Oh well time for another book me thinks.

Sob!

We've just sold Precious to a nice geezer with a man-bag from Hampshire. Life won't be the same without her. No more push starts at 6:30 in the morning, AA calls, rattles-bumps-squeeks when travelling. No more cruising with the wind messing up your hair or the sun burning your skin.

But I will really miss her, there's something amazing about smelling the flowers in the fields as you fly along shoulder to shoulder with them, the sky bright above you, hearing the bird song all around.

She's been a great introduction to fun cars and something to tell the grandchildren and maybe we'll get her back again one day!

Long live precious, be happy. (Gotta stop now need to go find a tissue)

Loved up!

So Mr Flower and I celebrated our 5th anniversary at the weekend (a little ahead of time it's not till mid June but we're busy then!).

I'd love to say something profound and maybe that's for another time (oi, stranger things have happened) but I will just say it was bliss. (yes it's an old photo we were married in the pre-every-guest-is-the-photographer-digital era so no wedding snaps!)

A perfect sunny weekend, at a perfect hotel (Strattons in Swaffham), perfect company and perfectly smug - thank you very much!

Treasure!

Just found a fab new blog, well online book and magazine actually!

www.porpoisedivinglife.com it takes over where Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life left off - at day 40 - and is neither an endorsement nor annihilation of the said publication.

It's one man's attempts to 'get God off his back' that kind of back fired and led to him discovering amazing stuff about 'the God of more' as he describes him.

I would not want to be this guy for all the tea in China, his experiences are horrific, his insights raw but inspired. He has amazing guts and what's more he's shared it all free on-line when he probably could have followed in Warren's shoes.

I don't agree with it all but his honesty is compelling and it's one I'm gonna read and watch.

I found this quote there ..."I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life we fail to live." Erwin Raphael McManus.

Something to toy with as we plan a series on living life to the full for our penultimate Sanctuary session for the year!!

There's three of us in this relationship!

Mr Flower and I had an unexpected date this evening!

I got a call at 7:15 ish to say he was back at the station but couldn’t come home as the car door wouldn’t shut!!

It seemed to be a direct protest by Precious (term of endearment – honestly- for our beautiful if temperamental Lotus) in response to the ‘For Sale’ ad going up on the internet and there was nothing left to do but phone the AA.

So I gathered together some yoghurt and granola and a Ribena and drove off to the refreshment of my weary commuter. After the rain stopped (a sudden downpour timed to correspond with my searching the open car air park for Mr F minus umbrella) it was a wonderfully light early summers evening and we conversed pleasantly till a call from Jim the AA man, who was five minutes away.

We actually talked and listened far more attentively than if we’d been at home and although it wasn’t exactly picturesque it was strangely enjoyable, being out on a school night.

It made me think about the challenge of seeing every moment as a gift from God if only we choose to live it with such intension, much happier than seeing it as a darned inconvenience at the end of an already stressful day…and although it’s often easier said than done I think we actually made it this time.

Book worm

Just read a brilliant book…The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. A kind of ‘Spooks meets Harry Potter’ as LiteraTec SpecOps track down evil villains who kidnap literary characters thus rewriting works of classic fiction. It’s ridiculously fast paced and I tonked through it in one (very rainy bank holiday) day.

The characters are gripping, and there are some hysterically audacious names. Thursday Next is our heroine and she goes seeking Archeron Hades, the devilish arch-protagonist. But the tale is packed with villains aplenty, in an almost comic strip stylee. Jack Schitt is one such nasty, he’s from the Goliath Corporation (who seem to own the world) and funnily enough it’s never really clear what exactly he does for them! The second plot line is a will-they-won’t-they story of Thursday’s and her ex-lover Landen Park-Lane. With commentary throughout by Millon De Floss – I kid you not, it’s so bad it’s GREAT!

One highlight for me was when Archeron questions one of his minions about his act of evil for that day…he says he ‘drove at 78 mph’ to which Archeron retorts that’s barely even wicked…then he replies ‘though the Arndale centre’! A literary reference for Luton? Probably not as it’s set in Swindon and the name’s common for shopping centres but it made me laugh.

If you want a ripping yarn of fantastical proportions this will be it! It has to be read to be believed and I can’t even begin to offer it a fair representation here just go forth and purchase…or wait and borrow my copy after Miss LotsOBooks!

This week we're mostly eating...

Hairdressers biscuits!

And they're delicious with either tea or coffee, let me tell you and so much nicer without hair!!

Very excited to find them in the mighty W, as supermarkets don't usually seem to stock them and with all this rain one needs tea and biccy's(sp?) to keep ones spirits up.

Pentecost Resonance

"...I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you for ever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you".

I was talking in my last post about feeling a heavenly disconnect on tuesday and not really knowing why except that I was wrestling with how my faith translates in different circumstances...like a Vogue party!

Being surrounded by such beauty and brilliance both at Chelsea, then at the Haywood and Skylon I was so mindful of the creator amongst his creation but yet it felt as if he was outside of it, without not within, kind of looking on like one of Gormley's men.

That was not to judge anyone, or to take away from anything and anyway a lot of this I'm sure was suffuced by faith but it was just a feeling of seperation for me that I couldn't (and still can't really) define. I guess a lot of it came from a number of conversations I had that left me really aware of the emptiness, hurt and longing in so many peoples lives.

Anyway, this morning in church the passage from John was read and seemed to take me back to this and make a connection.

W.O.W

Or Wierdest of Weeks. It's been an oxymoronic week to say the least and one it'll take me sometime to process.

I was leading worship on Monday and we were thinking about Pentecost and the difference it makes knowing God is with us through everything...this thought kind of ran all week for me, although there was a heavenly disconnect that I'm still trying to figure.

Monday night saw us off to the royal gala opening of Chelsea Flower Show as guests of Lauren Perrier and to dinner at the Dorchester no less. Their garden was stunning and designer Jinny Blom loved my thoughts about it!!



Then after not enough sleep and far too much champagne back to work in Luton and as many 1-2-1's as I could cram with Young People before heading back to London and to the Anthony Gormley exhibition at the Hayward Gallery and a Vogue party at Skylon the new restaurant at the refurbished Royal Festival Hall.



It's strange that Johnny Baker (his pic of man and wheel) slugs this "exhibit entertaining angels" on his flickr pages because to me the 31 life size figures feel really menacing as they look over London and move ever closer to the gallery.

Blind light was just brilliantly disconcerting...we thought we only went in little way and when I panicked and wanted to get out we retraced our steps (or so we thought)but ended up in the corner of the box hemmed in. To me it was like the visual equivalent of silence...mental and you got bizarely wet from the fog especially your nostril hairs, not exactly glamorous but hey!



We were joined by Thandie Newton (Crash and ER) in there the metal sculptures room (don't think that's the technical term but it was one of just 4 other amazing displays)and dinner star spotting included Anthony Gormley himself, who came for a chat at our table!! Lily Cole the supermodel, Alan Rickman, Terrance Conran, Antonio Carluccio, George Alagiah amongst others and to be honest the only one's I recognised!! But good old George did bid us good night as we left!!

Now I'm back to listen to some wisdom from some veteran youth workers from the US which will be really exciting...then it's off to school for the year 11 leavers assembly can't believe some of my little chicks are flying the nest.

Good job it's a bank holiday I need some sleep to recover from all of this.

Splish, splash they were taking a bath...

I am one of, if not THE, happiest sister in the world today!

I have AMAZING siblings, blood, step, half, in-law, you name it I've got 'em and it makes me sooooooo glad! Especially after witnessing a really happy event in the lives of the younger one's yesterday.

Flowers 2 and 3 got baptised. It was a really moving service where they all spoke so eloquently about their journey of faith, with no.3 even singing like a little angel (and joined with Wicked, who has done an amazing job of rearing these beauties along with DaddyF!).

It was such an overwhelming day...both my StepGran and Nan were there to witness it and yet again I was reminded of how powerful and important our family (genetic or chosen) are.

It was also such and incredible honour to be there with three generations who are loving and living for God...even if it doesn't always seem like we're doing such a good job (refering to myself you understand!), He's moving us on teaching and loving us into new creations. Made me realise how important my prayers are for future generations and how grateful I am for all those said by my parents, relatives and grandparents (esp my other Nan who longed so much for us all).

As the 6 young people were dipped last night we sang Amazing Grace...and you know it really is! Off to have a really good sob now!

Happiness can be bought!!

OK so although I was suffering a bout of melancholy the joy was still bubbling away under the surface. But it was helped severely by an exciting parcel that plopped through the post two days after my last post!

Happiness tea...it comes complete with brewing instructions which include "dance like you haven't danced since you were five" and "have a slice of cholcolate cake"..it's also extremely cute packaging with it's little metal tag that says "fun". And what's more it offers wisdom about 'being still' and 'just being'...AND it's organic!

This product is GENIUS!

Although I haven't actually tasted it yet!! Tee hee!! Or is that tea hee?!

Wilting

Bit of a sad little-flower today...lots of stuff seems to be 'happening to' me at the moment as opposed to me being in control and it's really hard to sense a way through it all and what meaning, if any, it has. The cumulative effect is that I'm drooping.

But I've been listening a lot to the new Jars of Clay CD, which although not as good as "Who we are instead" or the hymn one is really growing on me. They write such amazing lyrics and I'm clinging on to one song at the moment; 'There is a river', especially like the imagery of the second verse, lyrics of which below.

And as soon as I figure how I might add one of the others as an MP3, to further enhance your little-flower experience!!

There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you have been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of your tears are the wages for things you have done

And all of those nights
Spent alone in the darkness of your mind
Give it up, let go
These are the things you were never meant to shoulder

There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you have been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of your tears love will atone

So give up the right
To control the waves that empty out your life
Above wild skies
Are the rays that break the shadows we design

Give it up, let go
These are things you were never meant to shoulder
Give it up, let go

There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you have been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of these things love will atone

I know the world can turn in different ways
Most of the time we're simply hanging on
And under the signs of how we all behave
We might find the place that we belong

For all those nights when you cried all alone
All of your tears, love will atone

Authorised version

Me that is!

In a bizarre quirk of faith (oops wierdly meant to write 'fate' but this is kind of freudian so I'll leave it) that proves the church of England is not what it once was! I have been authorised to preach for three years (authorised that is, not talk for three years! Although undoubtedly it could be done!!) by the Bishop of Oxford. And he's coming in June (hopefully with his big pointy hat) to make it all official.

Only slight sting in the tale is that we found out last night this requires three study projects at the equivalent of first year degree level and since we've signed up it's a litttle difficult to squirm out of (even though noone told us this in advance and I only do three services a year!!). So watch this space...Little-flower may be coming to a church near you! (actually relax, I wont it only licences me to preach in our benefice - don't you love red tape!) And before anyone get's all high and mighty I DO think it's a good idea to ensure that people who preach know what they're talking about, so I'm not uppity about that!

All this on the week we discussed women in leadership as a team...hhhmmn!

More food!

Actually that last post reminded me to go and pick up a parcel from the sorting office...pinhead oatmeal from Scotland! We had it as porridge over Easter and it's like nothing else, loads more texture and really creamy. So it's move over Quaker, Spoffs pinhead is gonna stick it to you, Jimmy!!

Only problem ...porridge doesn't really go with 22 degree heat, hey ho it'll keep.

Found some food!

I love looking for new blogs, especially those about faith (or food for that matter!) I came across www.markscandrette.com - via Jonny Baker's blog (I think - you know what these blog trails are like) he has some great thoughts and has just published a new book called Soul Grafitti (what a great title, he was giving 10 away so I asked for one but he is in the US so I'll forgive him if he chooses someone else!!).

One post included this ...thought it was a new way at looking at the stages or changes we go through on our faith journey and I liked the metaphor of conversions!

"Evan Howard suggests that spiritual conversion, rather than being a singular event is more accurately a series of distinctive epiphanies (ie. a conversion to the role of the Spirit, a conversion to social justice, a conversion to contemplative practices, etc). These are not conversions from one system to another, but represent the gradual complimentary and holistic renewal of the soul. These progressive awakenings can sometimes create a sense of grief and regret. For anyone not in a space of liminality, criticism, doubt and risky exploration may seem pessimistic and deconstructive. When we experience the deconstruction of our faith we are in good company with many of the characters of ancient scripture, whose expectations of what it meant to follow God were constantly being challenged and subverted".

It also seemed to tie in with Mark Berry's talk at team retreat about their community life in Telford... he was excellent (if at times uncomfortable for a whole variety of reasons and in different ways to different people - but all good) about the need to prophetically reimagine the outworking of our faith.

Receiving

I'm not very good at this especially if it's compliments or gifts/praise I don't think I've earnt. But Greenhill taught me to do just that, an extravagant gift and I had to do nothing to deserve it and the most honouring thing I could do to the givers was enjoy it to the max.

Then I have started to read Contemplative Youth Ministry by Mark Yaconelli and he has a whole section on receiving that really made me think. Here's some of what he has to say....

"Now how many of us who have been Christians have heard many times that God loves us and cherishes us as God's beloved - yet how many of us have really believed this? How many of us slow down and take time for this experience to penetrate the depths of our being? How many of us have faith that God only loves our good deeds, our self sacrifices, our moments of prayer or devotion? ....It may be that the essential difference between Jesus and others is that when he hears God call him 'Beloved' he doesn't question it: he simply believes it. He recieves God's name of love before he has done any great works - before he has performed healings, before speaking insights, before undergoing any sacrifices....Having received this love from God, he is able to tolerate the doubts, false accusations, curses and even hatred poured out at him - because deep within his heart he knows and trusts the love that God offers him. He knows within the marrow of his bones that he is beloved by God and that is the deeper truth of his identity. Who would we be if we lived with the same knowledge?".

Holiday

So we're into our second post-holiday week and life is straining to press back in but we're on the defensive, one weapon we armed ourselves with was taking the time to talk about what we'd learnt from our week at Greenhill.

1. Family are important - sounds obvious but the reality of this grew and so did our realisation that over the last two years we'd gone from visiting too much and not having enough time for us, to becoming reclusive. As Mr Flower put it 'sometimes our family infuriate me but I realise how much I love and miss them'. Working with that infuriation doesn't happen by refusing to engage with it.

2. Holidays are important - I don't think I ever got how being in a different location can take you out of habits and thought paterns so effectively, we're going to do it more.

3. That I'm not who I thought I was - it's easy to get annoyed with others pigeon holing us but sometimes we're our own worst restraint. Sometimes we find ourselves in new boxes too - apparently I'm naughty, who's have guessed ;-O!!

4. That it's really easy to let work crowd life out - we need to be so much more that just what we achieve at work, we need to celebrate that but also have room to find other us's!

5. That it's really important to 'mark our days' - I preached on this a while back and hold it as so important, this week just reinforced that. Each day is a precious gift and is to be lived in full whether that's the pain and misery or joy and celebration. When we reach important achievements either in who we are or what we do it's important to mark that. I really thank my family for instilling a sense of excitement and celebration in me and Uncle and Auntie Flower played a big part in that along with Mum, for it's in these moments that we experience the fullness of what life should be and total love. Life is dull and lacking wonder without these gifts. I guess it's kind of finding the sacred in the ordinary too and if our faith means anything we should be doing that.

There were other things too like how amazing nature is, how God blesses us throught the people we meet, how my brother has the best ability to laugh at himself and how I can learn from that, how beautiful and fragile my Mum is, how we're made to be in community and how much love can be so strong that it hurts...I've still got loads to learn, the lessons are percolating and they're more weapons against the wrong agenda life seduces us into.

Another weapon will be seeing some photos and I can't wait!

Sick as a dog!

Well, I've been wrestling with a virus for about 4 days now and last night it won, meaning I'm at home going insane today. I haven't even got the heart to try daytime tv (Neighbours not withstanding!) and if I try to stand up and do anything my body tries to make me hit the deck. I have sought solace (sniff) in books and now my lovely blog.

It's one way to ward of the anxiety that I won't be better for this weeks team retreat and as Alina and I have planned an awesome (hopefully) prayer time I really want to go. We've got Mark Berry coming to talk to us on Friday and really looking to my volunteer time, it's the only time during term I see them. So am stuffing cookies I the hope that chocolate power might work and I'll bounce back tomorrow.

St George's Day

It was a strange day...I saw some lovely words on maybe.org.uk site from a poem about England (it's now been taken down and am trying to find out what it was) and it echoed the passion I feel about this small but perfectly formed island with it's beauty from tropical beaches (Cornwall) to snowy peaks (I think the Malverns qualify as these) and you can so see why Elgar and Worthworth and all the artisans have been inspired down the years.

It is an incredible place to live but then as I was walking home from work last night amidst the St George's bedecked revellers I heard what I mistook to be 'Give Me Oil in My Lamp' being bellowed from The Heights pub. Knowing the odd pint of beer and spiritual moments to be happy drinking partners, my heart was naively touched until I got closer and realised it was not "Sing Hosana" but "No surrender, no surrender, no surrender to the IRA" the darkness of their joy made me shiver and mourn how far England, our England had still to come.

Art Attack

No not anything to do with the First Aid training we had on the first day back at work but a challenging work of art featured on Easter Day's order of service, from the church at Morebattle.



Mary Magdalene by Gian Girolamo Savoldo

"There's something wrong here, even though it takes some looking to find it. The inconsistancy is at the left edge of the painting, at the horizon. Looking there, we see the glow of the sunrise in the east. And of course the sun should rise in the east but what should not happen is the flood of bright, white light that strikes Mary's shimmering robe from the right. Savoldo knows enough about painting to avoid such a mistake. And in this case, the discrepancy is not a mistake at all. The light that shines upon Mary more intensely than the sun is meant to announce the presence of the risen, glorified Messiah. The moment shown here may be the moment when He calls her by name, and she recognises her Lord. But there's something else interesting that Savoldo hs done with Mary's glance. When you view the painting hanging on a wall, it's impossible to escape the realisation that Mary is glancing directly at the spot occupied by the viewer. Then you realise that Savoldo has issued you a challenge. He implicitly asks you whether Jesus so fully inhabits your life that someone would see Him in you, and hear in your witness a call as powerful and important as if the Creator of the universe had called them by name."

Happy holidays!

Well, I am off for a weeks holiday in the middle of nowhere at the foot of the cheviot hills, Scotland (as above). I'm excited for so many reasons!

It seems forever since Mr Flower and I had any decent time away together, it's a beautiful and luxurious house complete with chef and is all a gift from Uncle and Auntie Flower! Most of the family are going to be there including the in-laws, it's close enough to visit Edinburgh and Glasgow and friends and family there, plus I'm aiming to finally get to Lindisfarne after 10 years of driving up and down that coast with longing!!

More than any of that I'm looking forward to some space and time just to be. Creation always has a lot to teach and so I'm looking forward to getting out in the the middle of it as a hungry student. And if the weather report are right we're game on for some sunny days and therefore plenty of walking.

We're also set for yoga, painting, fishing, writing, guitar playing, reading, ceidhli dancing, eating, drinking and merry-making...life is good. (Just realised rather sadly, that I will miss the opportunity to blog - definitely time to get away!)

oooh oooh!

Just having a trawl around the blogosphere when I rediscovered e-mergent kiwi...he has this great post about the brilliant Easter Journey they do at their church in NZ...photos all over Flickr really quality work. But read his post which has this amazingly clever quote from Tom Wright (oh and I do want to do more than knock the church, i love it but it does need a good buffet sometimes!).

...Tom Wright, who’s a well known Christian leader and Biblical scholar says this "The Word became flesh, but the Church has turned the flesh back into words."

I see what he did there and I see what we (the church) did there! Ties into Jonny Baker's 'Throwing a hand grenade into the fruitbowl' seminar deconstructing the sermon, that I saw him give at Greenbelt, transcript on his blog.

Owch!

So Sunday was Palm sunday and along with my cross and a quick procession around the church, much to the amusement of local dog walkers, we explored the symbolism of the triumphal entry and how amidst the celebrations Jesus stops to weep for the future of Jerusalem...for the destruction it would see (over a million people are thought to have been killed in the following massacre) and for the warning God had tried to give but that they had not heard.

Then a bit of synchronicity, I am reading The Irrisistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne and he echoes that part of the story when Jesus says even if his disciples were quiet, creation would call out...

"Christianity has often offered little to the world, other than the hope things will be better in heaven. The Scriptures say that the entire creation groans for liberation, and the echoes of that groaning can be heard in everything from hip hop to Hollywood. There is a pervasive sensethat things are not right in the world, and the gentle suggestion that maybe they don't have to stay that way...Global initiatives like Live8 and the ONE campaign have gathered ecclectice groups of celebrities and pop stars under slogans like "Make Poverty History". But most Christian artists and preachers have remained strangely distant from human suffering offering the world eternal assurance over prophetic imagination. Perhaps it should not surprise us then that Jesus says that if the Christians remain silent, then the rocks will cry out...or the rock stars, I guess".

Shane is seeking to incarnate the prophetic imagination through life in a community called The Simple Way in Philedelphia, his call is beautiful and painfully challenging...it's not an easy book but open us up to all kinds of opportunities and a radically bigger picture of the kingdom.

Yes, it's a good friday.

I recently visited Maggi Dawn's blog where she was discussing the age old question of 'good' friday,

"Why is it called Good Friday?" asked my son. "It's not good at all,
it's really bad."

The shops are full of eggs and chickens and sunshine and cheer. But
Good Friday and Holy Saturday are the most sombre days in the whole
Church calendar, recalling the death and disappearance of God. Not
much there to celebrate or feel happy about.

For those who enjoy a degree of certainty in their faith, maybe Good
Friday and Holy Saturday don't really "bite" - they are more about
anticipation than devastation. But those of us who live with a
fragmented faith, a faith that has had too many holes punctured in it,
too much damage ever to recover a naive certainty, there is something
reassuring about the rise and fall of the Church seasons. It's a relief
to be honest, to acknowledge the disappearance of God and the uncertainty of the outcome.

I recently talked myself into an empty hole trying to explain why we call it "Good Friday" in one sentence, in a year 8 RS lesson. In fact so much of what we believe started to sound bonkers when reduced down to facts/simple descriptions and as guilty as I may have felt for not having nice, off-pat answers for these things, feeling I was down an empty hole seemed appropriate, after all the empty hole is what easter is all about.

And I love it, the church annually acknowledging the desperation of faith. I love to think of the sheer terror, disbelief, confusion, embarrassment, the disciples must have felt, for we feel these things all the time but rarely admit to them. The darkness of Good Friday allows a place to see the darkness in us, allows a sacred space for our wonderings to 'just be', to me it's a freeze-frame in our faith journey.

Coming at the end of Spring it is a reminder of all those dark days we have just endured. Days which make the longed for spring brighter and more full of hope but days which need to be endured for both nature and us to be complete.

Maybe it's a British thing but I think we're not very good at the negative side of the emotional spectrum, not that these things are to be wallowed in but if there is a 'time for every season under heaven', then to deny these feelings seems wrong to me. Therefore, Good Friday is precious because, in the same way that Job gives us permission to be angry at God, Good Friday allows us to ask if we too are forsaken, all the while knowing we are the ones who turn from the cross.

Mad March

Yes King you are quite correct my initial burst of enthusiasm for all that was possible blogwise quickly faded with one of the madest months in my LCET history (and there have been quite a few to choose from).

But it's also been one of the best and a complete buzz as I look back on it, from here in dayoffinlieuland.

The picture above is our Easter Journey project, a kind of stations of the cross idea taking 8 themes from the passion story and letting young people reflect on how those themes impact their lives. We had an art workshop to produce the stuff which was brilliant and the posters have been up in 7 of Luton's high schools.

It's hard to know what, if any, impact they've had. As I was putting the first one up in South Luton High School two members of staff said "they won't last more than five minutes" but going to collect them on Friday saw a minor miracle with the whole set still in tact! I did 3 lessons with year 8's at Ashcroft based on the 8 themes and allowing them to do their own reflection on choices, they had real trouble engaging with it despite the sheer number of decisions they have to make on a daily basis. It just reminds me how little connection young people seem to feel to their own lives/experiences and sadly how much that means they miss out on.See them all on flickr.com, here's the link

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7453502@N02/sets/72157600017838359/

We also took a group of 12 kids away on Odyssey, a residential to explore faith and we had a brilliant time. We used a load of material from Jenny Baker's "Tune In, Chill Out" which I'd recommend for anyone involved with young people. It was a great time of exploration, healing and community...valued by all of us there.

Then Friday saw our annual Commitment Service where those young people we've been working with get the opportunity to commit/recommit to God or to going on a journey towards him. This year it was extra special as our new basement chapel was opened for the event and although it's not quite finished it worked really well and will be an awesome space to have. We are just so blessed in the work and it's such an honour to be along for the ride.

The next few months are set to get even crazier as we move to launch both a national self harm charity and schoolswork.co.uk - a network for all Christian Youthworkers who go into schools. Thank goodness we're not trying to do any of this in our own strength!!

Excitement!!

I have finally yielded to the power of the firefox - bold and itallic fonts are mine!
Today the formatting, tomorrow the world mwha,ha haaaaa!!!

More challenging words...

"Everything that God created is potentially holy,
and our task as humans is to find that holiness in
seemingly unholy situations. When we can do this,
we will have learned to nurture our souls."

Rabbi Harold Kushner



'When we can do this'....(she says longingly).

Today I've mostly been eating...

Pagans! And very tasty they are too!! There's one on top of my diary!



PagEn's actually and they're cinamon rolls from IKEA provided by the lovely Stockings. How can we survive without the shop that brings us pagens and Skumm (sp? Can't remember!) - or in swedish 'Sweets'?!

Bob

When walking out in the snow earlier I was accompanied over the allotments by a little robin, flying from bough to bough keeping up with me...then as I got to the gate he flitted as quickly as he had fluttered into my wanderings.

I decided the robin is a perfect symbol for those people who do just that, appear and bring such joy, vibrance and companionship to your life but who then cease to be a part of it. I can think of so many 'friends' like this, who I am desperate to hold onto but have flown ahead into life - either theirs or mine.

I guess we really should let them go to brighten up someone else's journey, looking out for others who are with us for longer or at that time (something which is hard enough to do in and of itself) and just keep walking the path once brightened by their appearance.

Snow in Wing

It's been a heavenly day in the village today...white and magical. All quiet - hardly any of the neighbours left for work and the usual thunderous busses were absent at school time. The only sound was excitement from a steady stream of bundled up kids off to sledge and snowball. And I have joyfully passed the day watching all manner of busy birds feeding in the garden and enjoying an upstairs view of bounding dogs rejoicing over the scents in the park.

I finally got out for a walk at about 3ish and although the thaw had begun it was brilliant..still crunching underfoot, a kind of kaleidoscope effect on everything you looked at owing to the sun bouncing off every white surface.

As I walked I was mulling over a passage for a service I'm doing in a few weeks ...the transfiguration...where Jesus meets the prophets on a mountain. And where, so caught up in the spectacle, Peter the disciple asks if he should build three shelters for the holy men.

One commentator I read said we shouldn't get bogged down with this it was just a throw away remark but as I walked past a snowman with this in mind I wondered if we could learn something about man's need for permanence, need to build and mark out a place or moment or happening.

Snowmen, sandcastles, cairns, castles and careers we seem to need to say 'we are here'. I can't decide if we should take a tip from the Buddhists and say stop always thinking about the future, just 'be in the moment'. Afterall Peter is so keen to build, to think about the next stage, keen to be doing the right thing, wanting to take the right place within it all, he almost misses the action and the point. (As indeed we see in gethsemane and after the crucifixion).

If we took a more temporary approach, tried to see things from a view of one just passing through would we be better or worse at looking after our world and all it's inhabitants?

Or is it that we want to celebrate life, to say this is amazing and I am in the middle of it, I experienced this?

Either way it seems our focus isn't really on the snow/sand/God itself, what more would we get if we could leave ourselves out of the equation entirely, what else would we see/hear/feel?

Maybe nothing...maybe something, however transient. Thoughts?

(Found this great photo of a girl playing in snow in Wing! (Actually from 2005 but who's counting). It's by a village resident David Schweinsberg - Flickr is fab. So is his photostream.)

Food for eating.

I am a HUGE fan of Waitrose...it's got to be the most ethical supermarket (if that's not a total oxymoron) and it certainly has some fabulous produce, producers and a good take on provenance. Not to mention it's kept both my mother and brother off the streets, for which two communities, at least, are very grateful.

However, one of the best thing to come out of the hallowed portals of 'the mighty W' (as we fondly refer to it) is their freebie magazine 'Seasons'. With fewer so called 'advertorials' than other supermarket booklets it is crammed full of recipes and I've had great fun working my way through them over the last year.

Sausage and Chesnut Caserole, Blueberry and Almond Sponge Cake, Butternut Squash, Sage and Goats Cheese Risotto have all been particular favourites but last night we reached new culinary heights with Smoked Salmon, Pea and Wasabi Linguine. I have only one things to say. Try it!

Instructions:

Add 400g Waitrose Linguine to a pan of boiling water. Cook for 5 minutes, then add 100g frozen Waitrose Petits Pois and cook for a further 2 minutes. Drain the pasta and peas. Whisk 300ml half-fat crème fraîche and 1-2 tbsp Yutaka Japanese Wasabi Paste together in the pasta pan and return it to the heat. Add a 170g pack Waitrose Scottish Smoked Salmon Trimmings and the drained pasta and petits pois. Toss together until the salmon is opaque. Serve immediately with a crisp green salad and lemon wedges to squeeze over.

Food for thought

I have a problem with this book, it has one of the greatest opening paragraphs I've ever read...










'He stands at the glass looking out. The city spreads below
him, blanketed in foggy slumber. Low pressure. Clouds roll
over the hills, seeping out of cracks and crevices as if the
geography itself was sending smoke signals'.

Geography sending smoke signals ...how cool is that metaphor?!

But in my experience the title is a complete lie...it won't save your life, in fact it's likely to reduce your days. Why? the wretched front cover...it's all embossed and tactile, fabulous glossy colours it's so goo you could eat it. Everytime I pick it up I'm left screaming for krispy kremes. Not good for the waistline, cholesterol level, skin should I go on?

The book however, is great for the brain and imagination ... once you get inside the front cover!

Exhibitionist

Hah! See that got you interested. Well sorry for the disappointment this is actually a post about Sunday being the annual LCET exhibition and it was absolutely fantastic. It's always mind-blowing to see what has happened over the last year and a great way to review our work and catch up with the therapuetic team's output.

What amazed me is that we manage to produce such incredible displays and interactive demonstrations of our work, WE manage to produce this. Obviously we are all marvellous (and God does miracles, we're evidence enough of that) but I'm constantly amazed by LCET and all that we achieve.

Thinking along these lines I found this great quotation from Kabir, an Indian mystic....


'Inside this clay jug there are canyons and pine mountains
and the maker of canyons and pine mountains! All seven
oceans are inside and hundreds and millions of stars.
The acid that tests gold is there, and the one who judges
jewels. And the music from the strings noone touches,
and the source of all water. If you want the truth: friend,
listen, the Holy One whom I love is inside.'

Music

Was driving home from work after a pretty manic day last friday, when Friday I'm in Love by The Cure was played and it was...arrrhhh, like a musical sigh of relief. One of those songs that you know really well, it has so many memories and is so comfortble to listen to it's literally like the aural equivalent of putting your old slippers on but because you don't own it (no not even on vinyl!) it's also like unexpectedly being given a chocolate eclair (as I was at Ashcroft yesterday).

This all made me think it was kind of a song for my soul...a bit like chicken soup (ok I'll stop the comparisons now). This in turn made me think what other 15 tracks should be on that album?

My other fantasy (as yet) album is best duets of all time...these aren't they but they'd have to be in there...

1. Mark Knopfler and James Taylor - Mason Dixon Line
2. Willie Nelson and LeAnne Womack - Mendocino County Line
3. Kate Rusby and Ronan Keating - All Over Again (no I don't know why but it's damn catchy)
4. Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock - ?
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.

Any to add and I might just burn it?

Pur-leaseeeeeee!

OK so the 6 o'clock news is buzzing with the news...yes, you read correctly, news that big brother contestants have been bullying and name calling! It's taken people how many series to wake up to this?!

It's even going all the way to the commons...the BBC website reports this

'A row over remarks made to Celebrity Big Brother's Shilpa Shetty will be raised in Parliament after thousands of viewers complained to the TV watchdog. Leicester East MP Keith Vaz said he tabled the Early Day Motion after being contacted by his constituents. Almost 10,000 complaints have been received by both regulator Ofcom and Channel 4, which broadcasts the show. Mr Vaz said the motion, designed to raise matters of concern, emphasises the influence the show has on viewers'.

Now don't get me wrong racism of any kind is out of order, and I don't watch the show so I don't know what's been said but I did see Shilpa's agent interviewed and saying it wasn't racism, just bullying and Channel 4 says she hasn't (yet) complained about anything herself. It seems really sad that racism would be out of order, yet the appalling disrespect and disregard for any kind of common humanity frequently exhibited on the show is just fine.

I agree any racism should be taken very seriously indeed (and fear it won't be as it's great for ratings) but if we're talking about concern over the influence the show has on viewers, well Mr Vaz nothing like shutting the door after the horse has bolted...

Brilliance

Just getting over another LCET retreat...basically trying to shed some of the calories piled on over two days...and of course feeling really holy.

Devised and lead the chapel service on Wednesday night (with the lovely Mrs VDM), which illicted the adjectives "awesome", "excellent", and "brilliant" as well as the phrase "if only church was like that more often" from the supreme being, Chris Curtis...high praise indeed and I am feeling very smug ...whilst trying not to be proud!!

The service was based around the story of the fall and when I saw this was the lectionary reading my heart sank...what should we do with that? But I was also excited by the wealth of imagery in the story and the idea that we like Adam have been made guardians of life; to look after all that is around us and to help creation find it's identity. We found some great liturgy from Roots Worship that talked about God bursting our bubble when we forgot Him and thought and acted like god's ourselves. Obviously that called for bubbles (any excuse) and before everyone entered we put a plate outside with sliced apple on it and a sign that said 'have a taste'... glad to say most of the team were lead into temptation ;-).

We had a morning on the book of Jude which was good, we gardened for the monks which was a great way to give something back to them and during some of the free time we had I found a great book called something like 'Poetry for the spirit' and within it an absolutely mind boggling poem by RS Thomas...how you can say so much in so few words is beyond me (as many would testify). It's when faced with something like this that you can begin to understand the idea of genius, I think.

Kyrie (from Mass for Hard Times)

Because we cannot be clever and honest
And are inventors of things more intricate
Than the snowflake – Lord have mercy.

Because we are full of pride
In our humility, and because we believe
In our disbelief – Lord have mercy.

Because we will protect ourselves
From ourselves to the point
Of destroying ourselves – Lord have mercy.

And because on the slope to perfection,
When we should be halfway up
We are halfway down – Lord have mercy.

A new year offering!

For Tom...

Yes I agree. We'll pull ourselves together.
We eat too much, we're always getting pissed.
It's not a bad idea to find out whether
We like each other sober, let's resist.
I've got the Perrier and the carrot grater
I'll look on scotch or pudding as a crime.
We all have to be sensible sooner or later
But don't let's be sensible all the time.

No more thinking about a second bottle
And saying "what the hell" and giving in.
Tomorrow I'll be jogging at full throttle
To make myself successful, rich and thin.
A healthy life's a great rejuvenator
But God, it's going to be an uphill climb.
We all have to be sensible sooner or later
But don't let's be sensible all the time.

The conversation won't be half as trivial -
you'll hold forth on issues of the day -
And when the evenings aren't quite so convivial,
You'll start remembering the things I'll say.
"Oh see if you can the catch the eye of the waiter
And order me a double vodka and lime".
We all have to be sensible sooner or later
But I refuse to be sensible all the time.

The New Regime - Wendy Cope

A Happy Christmas!

Mr Flower and I decided to have Christmas at home - relative free for the firs time in our 10 years of being together and it was a wonderful day.

I have been reading Doing December Differently (after a tip off on Jonny Bakers blog) and it really helped to focus on the season, what it means and how it's not always easy or happy. It also helped me to slow down amidst all the manic-ness of getting ready and to really appreciate the day.

Out of thinking about the rituals that we create for ourselves I decided to have a rememberance candle, to light to remember those who were far away and those no longer with us...it really helped me include family who are so spread out and those who are always missing at this time. I included it with other decorations but we only lit it when we especially wanted to call someone to mind.



I was also reflecting on why the day was so peaceful and relaxed...we had cleaned, decorated, bought special food and drink, we had gone to church, sat down a lot, taken time over our meal. Now most of these things (Christmas tree notwithstanding) we do on any given sunday (because we're exceptionally blessed) but that never feels so calm. My Uncle says it was because we set out to relax, it was a mind thing and I guess that's the difference we were completely focused on having a special, soul spacious day and so we did. Am so going to try to do this at least twice a year.

Said Uncle also picked out this quote from a book I had been given "Man is ill because he is never still". After my forray into psychoneuroimmunology this year I think it speaks a lot of truth and it's a note to self as we look to January speeding round the tracks and the return to work. Then again not exactly surprised ... 'Be still and know that I am God'. That's the best one for perspective, health and happiness.

Discipline

Not my favourite subject but have decided it's where I'm at ...and so I am trying to do the lectionary readings daily (thanks to Mark Berry and Way Out West).
This morning's were Psalms 5, 6
1 Kings 1:32 to 2:4; and 2:10 to 12
Acts 13:44 to 14:7

Which reminded me of the lyrics to the Clash's Should I stay or should I go(...if I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double). We are called to God's mission and only by following his 'decrees and commands, laws and commandments' (Kings) can we know what we're supposed to be doing but also when it's time to leave it. Often walking away can be seen as defeat but maybe it's a sign of wisdom ... after all Jesus' parables leave room to walk away and here in Acts the apostles do it a number of times. We're called to 'wait in expectation' not 'flog a dead horse' or be 'like a dog with a bone' (to mixe my animal metaphors) and isn't that actually something about respect?!

Lord give us hearts not afraid to persevere but which know the right places to be and the right times to be there, help us walk closely with you so we can feel the difference.

Blogging

I am such a bad blogger - surpassed in lack of posts only by holy joely I think, although now he's a student with all that time on his hands (ha ha) anything could happen!

I have a list of blogs in my head and never seem to write them...

Yoga...I went to yoga on the common and it started a whole can yoga and christianity mix type debate...which got me into something called C4 contextualisation ("May the holy spirit be with you Luke!" - not! But might give you an idea, frantic semantics really!!). I also felt so close to God when doing it I was inspired to start thinking/developing some body prayer (don't worry liturgical dance it is not!!) ideas.

Religion in wider culture...Samsonite have a new range of bags called proverbs...each one has a proverb embossed on it... I have been getting my best spiritual challenges from outside of the church recently and more powerfully than I think anyone from 'within' has ever challenged me...what can we as church learn. On this note Michael Franti! Buy Yell Fire now! A lovely friend bought me a copy after I saw him at GB...wow.

Hear Me and Breath at Greenbelt....an awesome experience.

New term, new dreams....oh and I might be a pluralist.

Letters...one of my best friends wrote me a letter, yes remember those. It was brilliant, I miss them. She also celebrated, yeas celebrated my dinners in response to my previous rather paranoid blog but it felt so good and affirming to read those words...we really should encourage each other more. I feel I have alot of that with these people and am truly grateful!

Oh yeah, and having lunch with John Hurt.....well actually with my husband at the Wolsley (divine) but John was on the next table AND James Elroy was in ther house!!

So much life, so little time.

Roll up, roll up...

Had the most amazing Friday evening experience a couple of weeks ago. Went to the circus!

Wanted to blog straight away but still trying to digest it really. Have never been to one before and to be honest clowns scare the living daylights out of me and don't even get me onto the ethics of performing lions but I am so glad I waited because this was not just any circus this was Gifford's Circus!

It's like toy town with it circle of burgundy panted wagons and it's strings of fairy lights illuminating the big top...the costumes are a riot of colour and texture, with music, singing and stunts of such skill that every now and then you realise you need to breath ...everyone should go!

If ever something delivered what it promised Gifford's is the place...from the perfect candy floss to the wonderful three course meal we had under canvas in the Circus Sauce restaurant complete with Emma Drinkwater (sister of Nell Gifford) pottery and silver candlesticks!!

Heavenly.

Mysterious ways!

So just a day after my culinary paranoia I get an e-mail from my bro, who was with us for two weeks last month...thanking us for our hospitality which he said was "cool" and yes the dinner with the neighbours went so well we're off there for a bar-b-que asap!

Theology?

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black
-he called everyone brother
-he liked gospel
-he couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Jewish
-He went into his fathers business
-He lived at home until he was 33
-He was shure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Italian
-He talked with His hands
-He had wine with His meals
-He used olive oil

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Californian
-He never cut his hair
-He walked around barefoot all the time
-He started a new religion

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was an American Indian
-He was at peace with nature
-He ate a lot of fish
-He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Irish
-He never got married
-He was always telling stories
-He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman
-He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
-He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
-And even when He was dead He had to get up because there was work to be done.

Fine dining?!

Ok so we're having friends over to dinner...well neighbours actually and after fretting about whether they'd like what we served or if they'd be allergic to it (having recently caused wicked stepmother a night of agony with undetected dried skimmed milk powder) I finally got some sleep last night.

It's just that recently two comments have been on my mind...a colleague remarked that our home was an 'homage to Conran' and some lovely (and nameless) member of my family said we 'always over complicate things, why can't you just have dinner?!'. This combined with the beautifully, precisely laid table that I came down to this morning had me in a bit of a state that our pasta should be seen as pretentious, our omlettes ostentatious, and our suppers snobbish.

Now I love 'nice things' and 'nice events' and I make no apologies for that but (hopefully) anyone who knows me would say I am nothing but practical (no false nails or stili's for this chick) and really not into doing things just for show but the thought that I have turned my home into some chichi design emporium, where style has overtaken substance is eating me up.

I do however, want the best for those who are kind enough to come and share my home, I want them to have time out, recharge, feel that life is special and yes, maybe feel a little bit spoilt. Even just typing that last statement makes me embarressed, why? Why are we so puritantical at times? I want to be like the woman washing Jesus' feet with perfume, I'm sure when she wasn't watching her purse strings as a responsible kingdom citizen should, she was a cream cake, full fat latte kinda girl! Right?!