A Happy Christmas!

Mr Flower and I decided to have Christmas at home - relative free for the firs time in our 10 years of being together and it was a wonderful day.

I have been reading Doing December Differently (after a tip off on Jonny Bakers blog) and it really helped to focus on the season, what it means and how it's not always easy or happy. It also helped me to slow down amidst all the manic-ness of getting ready and to really appreciate the day.

Out of thinking about the rituals that we create for ourselves I decided to have a rememberance candle, to light to remember those who were far away and those no longer with us...it really helped me include family who are so spread out and those who are always missing at this time. I included it with other decorations but we only lit it when we especially wanted to call someone to mind.



I was also reflecting on why the day was so peaceful and relaxed...we had cleaned, decorated, bought special food and drink, we had gone to church, sat down a lot, taken time over our meal. Now most of these things (Christmas tree notwithstanding) we do on any given sunday (because we're exceptionally blessed) but that never feels so calm. My Uncle says it was because we set out to relax, it was a mind thing and I guess that's the difference we were completely focused on having a special, soul spacious day and so we did. Am so going to try to do this at least twice a year.

Said Uncle also picked out this quote from a book I had been given "Man is ill because he is never still". After my forray into psychoneuroimmunology this year I think it speaks a lot of truth and it's a note to self as we look to January speeding round the tracks and the return to work. Then again not exactly surprised ... 'Be still and know that I am God'. That's the best one for perspective, health and happiness.

Discipline

Not my favourite subject but have decided it's where I'm at ...and so I am trying to do the lectionary readings daily (thanks to Mark Berry and Way Out West).
This morning's were Psalms 5, 6
1 Kings 1:32 to 2:4; and 2:10 to 12
Acts 13:44 to 14:7

Which reminded me of the lyrics to the Clash's Should I stay or should I go(...if I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double). We are called to God's mission and only by following his 'decrees and commands, laws and commandments' (Kings) can we know what we're supposed to be doing but also when it's time to leave it. Often walking away can be seen as defeat but maybe it's a sign of wisdom ... after all Jesus' parables leave room to walk away and here in Acts the apostles do it a number of times. We're called to 'wait in expectation' not 'flog a dead horse' or be 'like a dog with a bone' (to mixe my animal metaphors) and isn't that actually something about respect?!

Lord give us hearts not afraid to persevere but which know the right places to be and the right times to be there, help us walk closely with you so we can feel the difference.

Blogging

I am such a bad blogger - surpassed in lack of posts only by holy joely I think, although now he's a student with all that time on his hands (ha ha) anything could happen!

I have a list of blogs in my head and never seem to write them...

Yoga...I went to yoga on the common and it started a whole can yoga and christianity mix type debate...which got me into something called C4 contextualisation ("May the holy spirit be with you Luke!" - not! But might give you an idea, frantic semantics really!!). I also felt so close to God when doing it I was inspired to start thinking/developing some body prayer (don't worry liturgical dance it is not!!) ideas.

Religion in wider culture...Samsonite have a new range of bags called proverbs...each one has a proverb embossed on it... I have been getting my best spiritual challenges from outside of the church recently and more powerfully than I think anyone from 'within' has ever challenged me...what can we as church learn. On this note Michael Franti! Buy Yell Fire now! A lovely friend bought me a copy after I saw him at GB...wow.

Hear Me and Breath at Greenbelt....an awesome experience.

New term, new dreams....oh and I might be a pluralist.

Letters...one of my best friends wrote me a letter, yes remember those. It was brilliant, I miss them. She also celebrated, yeas celebrated my dinners in response to my previous rather paranoid blog but it felt so good and affirming to read those words...we really should encourage each other more. I feel I have alot of that with these people and am truly grateful!

Oh yeah, and having lunch with John Hurt.....well actually with my husband at the Wolsley (divine) but John was on the next table AND James Elroy was in ther house!!

So much life, so little time.

Roll up, roll up...

Had the most amazing Friday evening experience a couple of weeks ago. Went to the circus!

Wanted to blog straight away but still trying to digest it really. Have never been to one before and to be honest clowns scare the living daylights out of me and don't even get me onto the ethics of performing lions but I am so glad I waited because this was not just any circus this was Gifford's Circus!

It's like toy town with it circle of burgundy panted wagons and it's strings of fairy lights illuminating the big top...the costumes are a riot of colour and texture, with music, singing and stunts of such skill that every now and then you realise you need to breath ...everyone should go!

If ever something delivered what it promised Gifford's is the place...from the perfect candy floss to the wonderful three course meal we had under canvas in the Circus Sauce restaurant complete with Emma Drinkwater (sister of Nell Gifford) pottery and silver candlesticks!!

Heavenly.

Mysterious ways!

So just a day after my culinary paranoia I get an e-mail from my bro, who was with us for two weeks last month...thanking us for our hospitality which he said was "cool" and yes the dinner with the neighbours went so well we're off there for a bar-b-que asap!

Theology?

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black
-he called everyone brother
-he liked gospel
-he couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Jewish
-He went into his fathers business
-He lived at home until he was 33
-He was shure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Italian
-He talked with His hands
-He had wine with His meals
-He used olive oil

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Californian
-He never cut his hair
-He walked around barefoot all the time
-He started a new religion

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was an American Indian
-He was at peace with nature
-He ate a lot of fish
-He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were equally 3 good arguments that He was Irish
-He never got married
-He was always telling stories
-He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman
-He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
-He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
-And even when He was dead He had to get up because there was work to be done.

Fine dining?!

Ok so we're having friends over to dinner...well neighbours actually and after fretting about whether they'd like what we served or if they'd be allergic to it (having recently caused wicked stepmother a night of agony with undetected dried skimmed milk powder) I finally got some sleep last night.

It's just that recently two comments have been on my mind...a colleague remarked that our home was an 'homage to Conran' and some lovely (and nameless) member of my family said we 'always over complicate things, why can't you just have dinner?!'. This combined with the beautifully, precisely laid table that I came down to this morning had me in a bit of a state that our pasta should be seen as pretentious, our omlettes ostentatious, and our suppers snobbish.

Now I love 'nice things' and 'nice events' and I make no apologies for that but (hopefully) anyone who knows me would say I am nothing but practical (no false nails or stili's for this chick) and really not into doing things just for show but the thought that I have turned my home into some chichi design emporium, where style has overtaken substance is eating me up.

I do however, want the best for those who are kind enough to come and share my home, I want them to have time out, recharge, feel that life is special and yes, maybe feel a little bit spoilt. Even just typing that last statement makes me embarressed, why? Why are we so puritantical at times? I want to be like the woman washing Jesus' feet with perfume, I'm sure when she wasn't watching her purse strings as a responsible kingdom citizen should, she was a cream cake, full fat latte kinda girl! Right?!

Blog browsing!

Found this on the blog I discovered yesterday, www.youthblog.org/2006/05/faithful_cities.html interesting news for those of us trying to discern what the future may hold for youthwork and has got me even more excited about the LCET Schoolswork Conference ...

There is such good stuff out there too, always enjoy www.maybe.org.uk and Jonny Baker has a new site www.dekhomai.co.uk a great bridge to Christian spirituality for those into all things alternative, have already directed friends there and only found it an hour ago...as ever the Grace crew are right on the button.

The only problem is everytime I do a swoop my dreams and my reading wish list get longer!!!

Great new blog!

Found a great new blog whilst looking for something entirely different! It's www.youthblog.org and it's got some great stuff on. Am a bit miffed because the author blogged on Robbie's song Sin, Sin, Sin beating me to it and the awesome Kenda Creasy Dean conference beating me to it! But hey great minds and all that!! As ever with blogs some wheat and chaff depending on whether you know the bloggers identity but some useful info too...'Faithful cities' report and Romance Academy conference dates so check it out!!

What's your seduction style?

So MattA was bragging about his seduction prowess and with fear and trepidation I took the challenge not exactly thinking that my seduction, such as it has been, has any real style, and probably owes more to alcohol than a game plan. But Matt's charisma obviously charmed me into ticking those little boxes,even over the ether and ...I rule!!!! (Or the generators of said test are in the ego building business but...)

If only I'd know this sooner! Only joking Mr Flower!!!

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

So go on try it all you lovely lovers out there! (Sorry all went a bit 70's disco poptastc there mate!)

Wish list

I wish I could blog in a maximum of three paragraphs and wasn't given to rambling, on and on and on and on.

I wish I could produce witty and erudite reviews of arthouse movies or live theatre that really captures the zeitgeist of the moment (or could even use zeitgeist correctly).

I wish misery didn't exist and that it didn't compel me to try and eat my own body weight in chocolate, custard creams or Macdonald's so-called food.

I wish, just sometimes, that I could run away and do something daring or maybe scandelous ...but I never would.

I wish God would hurry up with me so I didn't wish things like the above. But instead dare to live in a more out there way for God.

I wish I could play my guitar without practising or that I practiced.

I wish wine/beer/gin/vodka/champagne wasn't so nice or that non-alcoholic wine/etc was nicer.

I wish I had enough money to develop some amazing barns near my home into an awesome Grand Designs type home and retreat space.

I wish computers didn't hate me.

I wish my friends and I weren't so busy and that we could play more. Growing up sucks.

Oh yeah, and I wish getting old didn't have to mean losing your value to society.

Sabbath

So there I was sitting in bed this sunday morning trying to work out in what order to complete my lengthy list of tasks when I was reminded of two passages I'd looked at this week.

Poet, Kathleen Jamie's book Findings was a gift (in many ways) and is the most incredible book. It makes you feel as though you walk around with your eyes closed and only ever see a fraction of what the world has to offer, let alone find any meaning or purpose in it. It's like she holds a perfectly focused pair of binoculars up to life.

In one chapter, on a visit to Stornoway, she muses about the Sabbath...

A friend said to me - we were talking about our stage in life, when we
suddenly discover we are the grown-ups, with children and parents,
even grand-parents to tend to, not to mention pupils, patients, or
clients or employers - that we spend so much time dealing with it all
that there is scarsely time to feel. I walked up the silent road
wondering is I couldn't reconcile myself again to the idea of the
Sabbath, to the day of dreary silence and mutton broth I'd known as
a child, if we couldn't close the shops and still the traffic and institute a
modern, churchless day of contemplation and rest; and if it wouldn't
help us all.

And in The Godbearing Life the authors pose that we would do well to remember the Sabbath and that the question is 'how' not 'should' we find these spaces in ways appropriate to our time and context.

Godbearers intentionally interupt the scedule with time for
reflection, renewal, and prayer in order to refresh their souls
and reorient themselves Godward .... Sabbath means quit. Stop.
Take a break. Cool it. The word itself has nothing devout or holy
in it. It is a word about time, denoting our nonuse of it; what we
usually call 'wasting time'....As urgently and pasionately as Jesus
preached and lived the kingdom of God, scripture suggests he
honoured the spirit of the sabbath ... often we read about him
going to a quiet place to pray, claiming mini sabbaths along the
arduous road he travelled.

For the authors 'sabbaths' can come in many forms and at many times and have more to do with rythmn breaking and God facing than one day set aside (and definitely not one day set aside for legalities). They are not only silent and still, they include games, noise and fun, above all they are sacred spaces amongst the hustle and bustle of life. Spaces that can 'help frame ordinary places and times and transform them' to refresh our souls.

Lent poem

Left (by definition) to our own devices but never alone.
As a parent holds it's breath at a childs first steps -knowing at some
point it must fall - so you are Father.
Ready to reach out, pull us into your arms, soothe our injured pride
and give us courage to try again.

Alone (He was) hung on the cross for our faults, not His.
The pain was not removed by His being God - though angels
begged to attend - this was His death.
But it was for our weakness, frustration, failure and despair that
He chose such a way of love.


Picture of Jesus by Luc Freymanc, see www.freymanc.com

We're a strange race.

Ok so Gingerkidjoe was commenting about how hard it is to just have a conversation about God...I mused that it was because God had His own specific language and it was hard to segue from "how's the Mrs?" into " Verily, I say unto thee..." (Ok it's not quite that accute). We weren't sure about this but if so, agreed we needed to find new words...I also said it was because it required being honest and maybe vulnerably so but Joe reminded me that wouldn't be talking about God, that would be talking about 'me' and God.

It's wierd because we can so easily sit and go on about, say, how amazing Ben Folds Five are (were?!) and that doesn't seem so hard but how amazing God is ? Just doesn't seem to happen. Maybe it's because we understand so much of God by what he does in our lives and therefore, it becomes hard to seperate the two (the result of a consumerist society? It's all about what God did for me?). Hmmn, who knows? I love GKJ for making us think about these things though...he gave us some great sacred space over retreat too, a time for some 'holy hanging' with the boss...if you read this kid thanks for being brave!

Coming back to an empty house (am widow to a stag weekend!) had me turning to the blogs to feed my people-need and it struck me - on a similar theme- that we just don't ever seem to have 'wider' conversations these days. Perhaps it's just me and those days of sitting up into the wee small hours debating...well, this, that and the other are a distant memory. Perhaps that was part of youthful identity formation that is becoming obsolete as life goes by. Or maybe it's that we're so busy we barely stop for long enough to have the sort of conversations that do much more than scratch the surface.

The wierd thing is that we obviously all want those deeper places reached or we wouldn't baring and sharing our souls on blogs and it's not that we don't want to know what others think because the sheer heart-leaping joy when someone leaves a comment is undeniable.

So one of our challenges on retreat this time was to make space for more sacred moments (and to notice them when they rear their mystical little heads) and perhaps that means more time for real conversation...(us being made in the image of God and all) not heavy, not prying, not a desire for the gory details but just finding out who the people we talk to REALLY are and what they think about. I guess that's going to take practice and maybe even some new language? But who knows what we could learn, we may even get onto God!

It's all downhill after thrity!

So it was my birthday last week and I'm well and truly into my thirities now...which may explain why my birthday presents included a pair of wellington boots and the fact that I'm just about to receive a jumper knitted by ny Mum (pass the vodka!)...This year hasn't started too well, my husband is, as I write, jetting off to Copenhagen without me! This see's the start of us playing ten days of fish feeding tag (like telephone tag but taking turns to be at home keeping the little critters alive!).

Funnily enough it seems God has been speaking to me about balance in my life at the moment. Not least through the brilliant 'Godbearing Life' - our team book this term. And this period of marriage-stretching-craziness seems no exception. The Eddi Reader song 'Simple Soul' seems to have real resonance too. As does a work on 'new monasticism' we're reading as a schools team. But despite best intensions I don't seem to be very good at getting that all illusive rythmn to life.

However, the same message seems to be coming on all fronts (God's used to me being both stubborn and thick!) so maybe I might give it a go. Why is it the things we long for so much are somehow hardest to embrace...take this afternoon for instance, hubby's gone, cash flow is short, the perfect setting for some silence, scripture and solitude but somehow I feel more drawn to taking the telephone and working my way through my address book! Feelings are fickle things.

I even scoured the cinema listing and gig venue programmes but there's nothing doing, perhaps I should take the hint, go light a candle and see...after all with those birthday presents and advancing years maybe cultivating inner beauty IS the way to go!!

A real 'knit' wit!

I have recently bought THE best book.

The purchase resulted from a spell of festive mother and daughter bonding which meant I am now vaguely able to knit . The item in question in Stitch and Bitch by Debbie Stoller and it's hilarious! Taking itslef seriously is one thing it doesn't do with articles as diverse as "Rules of Engagement: or what not to knit for your boyfriend" (apparently anything it will doom the relationship there and then), "Knit Happens or how to make a knit stitch", "Bump and grind" - that's making knit and purl stitches to you! There's all the stuff you need to know to get going, or to make funky projects (I just completed a go-go garter scarf and very fetching it is too, I've already had two people threaten to steal it). Plus there's loads of fun stuff, such as a "Field guide to knitters" - it's good to know the natives.

I also managed to knit myself right into the puritans with a so called 'kitchy kerchief", there's a distinct lack of irony in the one I made, meaning I look more "good life" than funky girl about town but hey I made it I wore it! But only once and in private!! Don't think I'll tackle the wonder woman bikini just yet (it's in there I kid you not!).

The day I bought the book the Evening Standard ran a big article on how knitting is the latest celeb hobby, everyone's doing it darling and apparently this tome is the book to have! Get me I'm hip!!

Now I'm just looking forward to the sequel "The Happy Hooker".

Oh please, it's how to crochet!