I had a chat to a friend the other week who was musing on the fact that she couldn't bear hypocrisy in the church, how her experience had taught her that was what you got with church. But yet she wanted to know where not being part of a church left her and her faith. Unrecognised? But recognised by God?
Another friend had been forced to leave a job with a Christian organisation after they deemed him to not 'be in the right place with God', they didn't surround him with love, model 'being in the right place with God', disciple him to achieve his best for God and for them. They just judged him to be producing bad fruit and showed him the door.
He is the second friend treated like this by "Christianity", pronouncements made, contracts ended and lives, faiths left bewildered, hurt and angry.
I am blessed to be working for a Christian organisation that seeks to practice God's love,justice and mercy in all it does, it has become for me a church. I have tried to belong to our local village church as I have felt God calling me to be there but like my first friend I don't feel a part of it, I don't find God there and I don't know where it leaves my faith.
Don't get me wrong there are some lovely people there and great people of faith but they seem to be at the edges and joining seems to be a covert mission. The other day I took a friend round for a look at the church and a warden and congregation member were in there doing huge flower arrangements, I presumed for a wedding. They didn't say hello when we entered, I did. When I said "wow, what amazing flowers" they looked up with blank expressions and then carried on with their work, no sound uttered. I felt we were trespassing, I wondered if God feels the same way?!
Bono put it like this " Can you imagine how it feels to believe in Christ and be so uncomfortable with Christianity? The church is an empty, hollow building. The established church is the edifice of Christianity. It's as if the Spirit of God leaves a place, the only things that are left are the pillars of rules and regulations to keep it's roof on. And we are more and more claustrophobic around organised religion". So where does that leave us?
The hypocrisy argument I've always said is a symptom of hypocrisy in our own lives. If 'we' are the church then 'we' bring hypocrisy in and only God changing us can change the church, and you have to be in it to win it, it's not right to sit outside and moan! But where does that leave you on a Sunday morning if you want to practice faith but you can't stand 90minutes of what feels like torture?! It leaves you being a consumer doesn't it , shopping around to find a church that fulfils all your criteria and church isn't about consuming, it's about worshiping. But does worship mean you try and hide who you are, your opinions, your irritations. Does it mean that God accepts rubbish church, so you should? I can't believe that either.
So I don't know what to believe. When a very good friend of mine lost faith recently it wasn't in church that it returned but out walking through fields, being close to God and his creation, feeling the wind of His spirit. But being out there on our own doesn't answer the call to be church with, and for, one another. Whatever it looks like religion needs to be organised to work, so I have no answers but on Sunday I may try to go to the village church for the first time this summer. I will look for God there because I know He is there, who knows I may even find some answers, for myself and for my friends.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Very excited...
...to see, or hear, that BBC Radio 7 are playing On The Hour again, on tuesdays at 11pm. It's a bit late but this radio forerunner to The Day Today is classic. It's especially funny if you've worked on the wireless with a number of technical in-jokes ... still whether or not the digital signal will allow you to hear the subtleties (sp?) of bad tape editing who knows!? Digital, smigital, I'm largely disillusioned but if schedules are going to include shows like this then I'm coming round to the idea but ahh, remember the days of the chinagraph pencil, razor blade and sticky tape....
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Going to town
Went to see Guys and Dolls last night at the Piccadilly Theatre, it was great. Had us in stitches not least the collective intake of female breath as Ewan McGregor entered the stage!
It was a brilliant production, sets especially. It never ceases to amaze me how they come up with such stunning but seemingly simple ideas.
Jane Krakowski was great as Adelaide in the raunchiest Hotbox I've ever seen. Jenna Russell was, well, a bit lacklustre as Sarah Brown, didn't really compel any sympathy ... or any feeling at all! Ewan's accent was surprisingly good and held out except for a slight Scottish lilt that crept into a couple of the songs, which were tuneful but weak...I think the Sky Masterson of our school production did a better I've Never Been In Love Before!
It was great to see real character development not just carbon copies of the film. Nathan was more bumbling fool than I've seen before, with his "I wuv ooo" baby talk to a perceptive Adelaide who seemed well aware of her need for both self -improvement and a cottage with a picket fence! The supporting cast were incredible; brilliant dance, singing and superb orchestra ... those well known tunes illuminated and as thrilling as on a first hearing.
Some critics slated the Donmar for using McGregor as a magnet but if it fills seats and thrills audiences why not? Whatever he could or couldn't do with the role, the magical broadway tale and his sparkling eyes were a winning combination for this doll!
It was a brilliant production, sets especially. It never ceases to amaze me how they come up with such stunning but seemingly simple ideas.
Jane Krakowski was great as Adelaide in the raunchiest Hotbox I've ever seen. Jenna Russell was, well, a bit lacklustre as Sarah Brown, didn't really compel any sympathy ... or any feeling at all! Ewan's accent was surprisingly good and held out except for a slight Scottish lilt that crept into a couple of the songs, which were tuneful but weak...I think the Sky Masterson of our school production did a better I've Never Been In Love Before!
It was great to see real character development not just carbon copies of the film. Nathan was more bumbling fool than I've seen before, with his "I wuv ooo" baby talk to a perceptive Adelaide who seemed well aware of her need for both self -improvement and a cottage with a picket fence! The supporting cast were incredible; brilliant dance, singing and superb orchestra ... those well known tunes illuminated and as thrilling as on a first hearing.
Some critics slated the Donmar for using McGregor as a magnet but if it fills seats and thrills audiences why not? Whatever he could or couldn't do with the role, the magical broadway tale and his sparkling eyes were a winning combination for this doll!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Surreal Summer So Far!
Wow, I'm exhausted in a totally and utterly brilliant way and we're only just 3 weeks into summer holidays. I'm hoping it's going to slow down from here on in though!
Face the Fish our summer camp was awesome, in truth I couldn't say I really enjoyed the experience, it was too hard work but it was incredible in everyway! I learnt so much about kids, God and me. Young people can be so profound and being able to give them the space to explore the spiritual side of life in a relevant way was such a privilage. The most bizarre point had to be sitting in a wheelie bin of gunge, lid closed, listening to the band play and thinking "boy, I did not expect to be HERE 18 months ago when I wondered where my life was going"! It has been a mindblowing year at LCET and I think I still have a long way to go to come to terms with all that's happened, I kind of feel like my soul is reeling - in a good way. My husband commented that I have become more confident, sure of my opinions and beliefs and more me, which has to be a good thing.
Straight after camp it was a dozy dash to Gloucestershire for a trip round the garden at Highgrove, Prince Charles' estate. It was amazing nothing like I expected (formal English, some cottage but very conservative - not sure why I thought this!?). A magical haven of bold (the black and white garden), fun planting (the stumpery) with stunning buildings from a treetop playhouse to his-and-hers oak temples to the sanctuary for one, with wonderful icons, a place to contemplate and be inspired like so much of the garden. There is incredible artwork paying homage to the likes of St George, Ted Hughes and one of the Prince's dogs. The whole place has a feeling of peace, of life, of beauty and, to me, the presence of God.
Serious amounts of washing later, I was off again for a weekend at the WI's Denman Collage, for a course entitled 'Singing can be even more fun'! It was part of my birthday present from Mum and we shared a charming room, had a great time and a chance to be really proud of each other - not that we aren't anyway! A group of 16, a real range of talent and ability, we did lots of harmony singing including Handel! And had to do solo singing in front of each other which was very scary ...especially as I didn't realise you had to bring music and songs you were familiar with, copies for the pianist etc and I had nothing. At these moments singing did not feel particularly fun as the tutors were no help at all. However, all was forgiven when I got a really good criticism of my singing and urged to do lots more whether solo/lessons/a choir or "whatever, just sing"! I've so wanted to sing since leaving school and even at church, though it was great to serve in the worship group, felt I was largely overlooked but just assumed I wasn't really that much cop. However, to hear what you've always wanted to hear can be strangely painful and now I need to figure out what to do with this knowledge. The course also exorcised some demons from school days when after every concert I was subjected to a criticism of what didn't work, what could have been better which would make the overly sensitive me cry all the way home in the back of the car. Mum was nothing but encouraging this weekend which was a relief!!
This week I plan to do nothing enjoy the sunshine, read and just be ... but who knows what might happen!
Face the Fish our summer camp was awesome, in truth I couldn't say I really enjoyed the experience, it was too hard work but it was incredible in everyway! I learnt so much about kids, God and me. Young people can be so profound and being able to give them the space to explore the spiritual side of life in a relevant way was such a privilage. The most bizarre point had to be sitting in a wheelie bin of gunge, lid closed, listening to the band play and thinking "boy, I did not expect to be HERE 18 months ago when I wondered where my life was going"! It has been a mindblowing year at LCET and I think I still have a long way to go to come to terms with all that's happened, I kind of feel like my soul is reeling - in a good way. My husband commented that I have become more confident, sure of my opinions and beliefs and more me, which has to be a good thing.
Straight after camp it was a dozy dash to Gloucestershire for a trip round the garden at Highgrove, Prince Charles' estate. It was amazing nothing like I expected (formal English, some cottage but very conservative - not sure why I thought this!?). A magical haven of bold (the black and white garden), fun planting (the stumpery) with stunning buildings from a treetop playhouse to his-and-hers oak temples to the sanctuary for one, with wonderful icons, a place to contemplate and be inspired like so much of the garden. There is incredible artwork paying homage to the likes of St George, Ted Hughes and one of the Prince's dogs. The whole place has a feeling of peace, of life, of beauty and, to me, the presence of God.
Serious amounts of washing later, I was off again for a weekend at the WI's Denman Collage, for a course entitled 'Singing can be even more fun'! It was part of my birthday present from Mum and we shared a charming room, had a great time and a chance to be really proud of each other - not that we aren't anyway! A group of 16, a real range of talent and ability, we did lots of harmony singing including Handel! And had to do solo singing in front of each other which was very scary ...especially as I didn't realise you had to bring music and songs you were familiar with, copies for the pianist etc and I had nothing. At these moments singing did not feel particularly fun as the tutors were no help at all. However, all was forgiven when I got a really good criticism of my singing and urged to do lots more whether solo/lessons/a choir or "whatever, just sing"! I've so wanted to sing since leaving school and even at church, though it was great to serve in the worship group, felt I was largely overlooked but just assumed I wasn't really that much cop. However, to hear what you've always wanted to hear can be strangely painful and now I need to figure out what to do with this knowledge. The course also exorcised some demons from school days when after every concert I was subjected to a criticism of what didn't work, what could have been better which would make the overly sensitive me cry all the way home in the back of the car. Mum was nothing but encouraging this weekend which was a relief!!
This week I plan to do nothing enjoy the sunshine, read and just be ... but who knows what might happen!
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